I was asked to write about the pressures of working as a judge during the pandemic and how I kept balance through it all. I probably should have declined the invitation.
Does anybody really feel balanced these days? It is a distant memory for many, including me. I say that as I write this from isolation, with the kids back in school under a cloud of uncertainty, and the courts again adjourning most in-person matters.
Balance is a fluid concept in COVID times.
Looking back over the past two years, my biggest challenges as a judge have been:
- The system's struggle in the face of the negative impacts of this pandemic on people appearing before the courts;
- The periods we were unable to proceed with in-person matters;
- Concern about everyone's safety in the courtroom, on top of my usual responsibilities;
- And lastly — but arguably the most trying — judging coupled with pandemic parenting.
I am aware that what qualifies as balance for me is attainable from this place of privilege. My family has a warm and safe home with plenty of food. I do not worry about losing my income, or that my business or employer will shut down. We have not lost our lifelines in the community. I do not live in a high-risk setting. We have dependable resources.
Many in our community are not so fortunate. When I consider COVID and its reverberations through our courts, I think of how our systems struggle to serve the community. Without some sense of balance, we would not be able to keep going. Personally, I have focused on spending quality time with family, accepted that there are many (more) things that I cannot control, tried to make healthy choices, and pushed for patience and kindness.
Pre-existing inequalities grew in this pandemic, and many people found themselves on the fringes for the first time. Social safety nets are stretched to breaking. As always, our Provincial Courts see the results of this and we challenge ourselves to push, rally, and pivot as needed. The pressures facing our courts are not new, but COVID spotlighted them. We will spend years trying to repair the damage while we recover from our fatigue. We need to strengthen the foundations of both our communities and our justice system while we do so. The collaboration that took place at times during this pandemic was unprecedented. We need to continue that, along with other positive steps forward. When I feel unbalanced, I try to focus on the positive changes that can come from these difficult times and to help make those happen.
Technology can be helpful. We have used it when we had to, even when we did not want to. We stepped out of our comfort zone and tackled a learning curve. We learned when it can work and when it will not. We saw the need for better resources.
Technology was important in affording people the opportunity to work remotely. Technology helped balance me in that I could still feel productive, stay connected, and maintain some routines and social connections. I am thankful that the Domestic Violence Court Team could continue to operate virtually, running the courtroom itself and continuing the services and support for participants. This has been especially important during these difficult times. These new endeavours were made possible by the efforts of our already busy, highly skilled court staff.
I was often nervous being at work. I took the court's protocols and public health advice to help prevent the spread of COVID seriously. We do not know what is going on in people's personal lives and what vulnerabilities or stressors they might have outside the courtroom.
Take me as an example: several people in my immediate bubble were at increased risk these past two years. The stress of dealing with that was heavy, and many others were in similar situations. I am used to the responsibilities of judging, but potentially being responsible for others in my court getting sick is a whole new level of stress. Also new was the reality that being at work could lead to bringing the illness into my bubble. This job cannot be done entirely remotely. Keeping things as safe as I could for everyone involved helped lessen my anxiety.
Our court is normally filled with people. Not so these days. We were introduced to many lawyers these past two years by telephone, and it often took time before we could put faces to names. Even when we resumed in-person proceedings, many still appeared by phone, when appropriate, to reduce traffic in the building. People were not speaking face-to-face, chatting in the hallways, or going out to lunch or after-work drinks. The "off-the-record" conversations were gone. It makes me wonder what the longer-term impacts on professional relationships might be.
Limiting in-person matters was tough for people appearing before the court. Many were counting on their court date and now the backlog is even worse. For many matters that proceeded virtually, I found it difficult not to see participants, even witnesses, in person. Many were on the phone. We lose a lot of nuances and connections that way. This challenge cannot easily be overcome, things being what they are. I often reminded myself that we are doing our best with what we have, and we cannot control everything.
My last comment, I suspect, will be familiar to many of you. I have two school-aged children. Anybody with kids at home these past couple of years has undoubtedly felt pulled in more directions than usual. Balancing parenting and judging (or lawyering, as I recall) was never easy. We got better at virtual schooling as we did more of it. Given their ages, pandemic parenting got easier for me as my children got older and more independent. We tackled virtual school for three grades in a row, spanning elementary school to junior high. In French. We are tired, but triumphant. Most of all, we hope never to do it again.
In addition to the ups and downs of schooling and activities, we have had lots of family movie and games nights and long family drives. We had a good little bubble and made regular efforts to spend time together. There have been some tough days, so balancing that with lighter ones has been important.
Especially in the early days of lockdown, I felt a lot of sympathy for lawyers doing double duty, taking court calls in the garage with a baby monitor in their pocket. I met children on video and heard them on the phone. Compartmentalizing for work-life balance went out the window. I reminded myself that we are far removed from the usual ways and most of us are working hard to adapt.
Having said all this, I think we are doing well. At the end of the day, patience and empathy (for ourselves and others) is key to finding balance.
